When life gives you lemons (Part 4)

This will be the last instalment to the "When life give you lemons" series.

Divorce proceedings and child custody proceedings will be starting soon for Lisa's youngest son and the DILFH, but let's put this unhapy incident aside to the more important things.

Lisa's ashes have been placed in an urn, which now resides in a lovely place in Choa Chu Kang. Her tablet is placed in the house of her hubby.

Every end signifies a new beginning.

For those who believe in reincarnation, Lisa may be waiting her turn as I'm writing here. But we all know that she have done so much good in life with her own children and friends, that she will be granted a happier beginning.

For Lisa's relatives who have finished the grieving, their immediate concern is Lisa's husband, who is in his early 80s, and still physically healthy. Since Lisa was hospitalised, he had cried on a few occasions, but has been largely calm. Though it might be possible that he has already accepted the inevitably of Lisa's death, but no one is taking it for granted. After all, Lisa has been his companion for the past 50+ years, and now she's gone. Now he sleeps alone in his own bed.

There were alot of discussions among Lisa's children, who felt they need to spend even more time now with their dad so that he won't be too lonely, and not sink into depression. Among the discussions were the possibility of getting one of Lisa's grownup grandchildren to stay with him, and also having biweekly gatherings at his house.

The power of death is in life itself.

Lisa's death has brought everyone closer. One of her kid who has "servered his ties" with them for more than 5 years, for not helping him with his gambling debts in the past, has silently rejoined them and are on talking terms again.

Relatives who meet once or twice a year in Chinese New Year and weddings, are now planning for frequent meetups with Lisa's hubby to keep him company. Lisa's siblings are more united than before.

And Lisa, wherever she is, will be delighted to know this.

And lastly, I should give special mention to this mother and son pair, who appears out of nowhere in HDB funerals of people they do not know. They came with no other motives than to sit silently at one corner of the wake to help the grieving family fold joss paper for free for hours daily. Granted that families usually give them an ang pao (red packet) at the end of the wake, but it's not a must, and besides, there's no guarantee how much would be in the ang pao. So essentially, they are just trying to possibly earn some additional living through goodwill, with no promised returns.

On one instance, one of Lisa's children gave them $10 for lunch, and this kind-hearted mother and son (both adults), only spent $3 altogether and even bothered to return the remaining $7 to the family. Wow.

Singapore's kiasu (scared to lose) and kiasi (scared to die) mentality can be a little disturbiing sometimes. But it's the presence of this charitable duo that reminds us, that there's kindness around us, as subtle as it can be.

And Lisa's death, definitely remind us of how precious, and yet fragile, that life is.

Take good care of yourself, and your loved ones. Don't start giving them the attention, only after they are gone.

Have a good day ahead, and thank you for reading.

When life gives you lemons (Part 3)

You are a rich man. Your girlfriend has this habit of bringing you to the jewellery shop, and trying out the jewellery. She puts on a 1 carat diamond ring and likes it alot. She jokingly (but insistently) refuses to take it out. And so you buy it for her. Be careful if you marry such a woman, because it won't be pretty...



4 days after Lisa's death...
Lisa's wake was held under the flat which she was supposed to move into, but have never had done so. On that day, the metal key that is supposed to go into the lock of Lisa's new home was broken in two. Yes you heard it right, the metal key broke. The daughter-in-law from hell (DILFH) was the last person to hold the key before it was returned broken. She claimed the key was already bent when she got it. And one part of the broken parts was stuck inside the keyhole. Lisa's kids have to pay the locksmith S$45 just to get the lock open.

5 days after Lisa's death...
That was the final day of the funeral, and she was to be cremated. But not after a final ceremony where the mourners in white had to do a final procedure. The youngest son was crying badly by the coffin. Out of the blue, he suddenly rushed out to shout at his wife, the DILFH. He threw stuffs (chairs?) at her, and tried to grab her by the hair. The commotion was so loud that you probably thought that thunder had hit the funeral.

In a Buddhist funeral, relatives of the dead are not allowed to wear flashy items to the funeral. But DILFH wore a gold watch, but after being told not to wear it on the first day of the funeral, she took it down but proceeded to wear it on other days, a clear disrespect to the deceased. It didn't help that she didn't even offer a single joss stick to Lisa. She tied her hair with red band, when red is a color that should never be worn to a Buddhist funeral.

One may argue that she's ignorant, but in the eyes of everyone there, too much ignorance make it seem too inexcusable for a coincidence.

Anyway, the youngest son had enough of her nonsense. He was going to get physcially violent. The male relatives rushed over to restraint him before he make any unlawful assaults. The female relatives scolded DILFH too, taking the chance to vent their frustration to the unfillal girl. But they also asked her to leave and run, before her hubby loses control and brutally assult her.

And so she escaped in the white T-shirt that she wore for the funeral. Obviously, the DILFH will not be returning to their matrimonial home. And the youngest son has given instructions to the maid not to allow her into Lisa's home.

Some time back, he told the rest that he will seek a divorce from DILFH. And beating his wife will surely weaken his position to have custody of his beloved daughter. Which also explains why everyone was quick to hold him back when he lost his cool.

Their daughter (ie. Lisa's grand-daughter) was there at the funeral, and probably witnessed the event. But it was clear whose side the poor girl was on. She passed a cup to her father to drink, and the father returned her the drink after he had his fill. Hand in hand, the father and child walked, accompanied by the child's loving uncles and aunties.

Later that day, the relatives pushed the funeral van, with Lisa's intact body in it, as it moves towards the crematorium. The moment Lisa's body was about to be cremated, there was another flash rain (no kidding). Like the previous weather coincidences, it appears as if Lisa is shedding tears again.

We all had diffeent interpretations of Lisa's tears, but I was sure they were tears of joy and relief.

And Lisa's coffin was sent into the burning fire.

Her body was gone.
But the memories of such a terrific wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend will live on in the hearts of those who know her.

Rest in peace, Lisa.
And may life hands you peaches the next time round.

When life gives you lemons (Part 2)

7 years before her death...
That was the day when I first got to know Lisa. And the place we met? The Subordinate Courts. Lisa was there with her hubby. She looked old and frail, but she always ready to be there for those who need them.

2 years before her death...
She came in the morning for my wedding. Wifey and I served her tea.

2 days before her death...
We visited Lisa in the hospital. And she was clueless about her condition. In her soft tone, Lisa sarcastically said if her daughter-in-law from hell (DILFH) visited her in hospital, she will recover immediately.

The day she died...
The DILFH did came, but only after she was informed of Lisa's passing.

1 day after her death...
It was a sunny day. But the moment Lisa's body was moved from the transport vehicle to the wake, it suddenly rained heavily out of nowhere. Any superstitious Chinese know that the rain symbolise Lisa's tears.

Lisa didn't die contented.

2 days after her death...
The weather was erratic. The clouds were gloomy, and it rained alot every now and then.

It is Buddhist custom for the descendants of the deceased and their spouses to be given plain white T-shirts to wear during the funeral. And no one should wear that T-shirt home, as they will be disposed after the whole wake ends. The DILFH caused quite a stir in the morning, by making DILFH's 4-years old daughter wear that T-shirt home.
After all, there's no better way to spite Lisa than to make sure that her favourite grand-daughter doesn't follow the custom. To make things worse, DILFH even asked her maid to wash the white T-shirt to make it "clean".

DILFH's hubby (aka Lisa's youngest son) was not totally unaware of his wife's unreasonable behaviour. Marriage is a one-direction path - you either get great returns, or you end up with great risks. Maybe he might have contemplated divorce, but that would equate to losing half of his wealth to the undeserving wife by law and endless monthly maintainance fees to her. In his case, the wife will probably be laughing all the way to the bank with that amount of money. Well done, Women's Charter.

Unlike adultery, being unfillial is not against the law. The only thing Lisa's youngest son could do was to ignore his wife during the wake.

The same day, he hugged his mother's coffin and broke down. Tears flowed endlessly from the face of this grown man.

He was a good son.
He just made one bad move.

When life gives you lemons (Part 1)

Many years ago...
there was a simple lady, Lisa. She was kind-hearted, and ever so thoughtful. Naturally, such wonderful ladies get hitched, and Lisa eventually married and settled down.

Lisa and her hubby was poor, and it didn't help that they have 6 kids. It also didn't help that her hubby turned out to be a part-time gambler. She had to work hard and long hours to earn money to support the kids and her hubby. Often, she will give the best food to the kids, while leaving the remainder for herself. Life was giving her lemons.

Lisa braved on and years grew by, and her kids grew up and started their own families. And her hubby stopped gambling. The lemons just tasted better.

A few years ago...
Lisa stayed with her hubby and their youngest son, who was unmarried. This youngest son was an eligible bachelor, being a successful entrepenuer with an attractive personality. He had lots of girlfriends during his younger days, but he was getting older, which really worried Lisa and her hubby.

So when this beloved son got married to a pretty gal, Lisa was overjoyed. But alas, the lady's new daughter-in-law turned out to be the daughter-in-law from hell. She would berate Lisa for alot of things, even trivial stuffs like cooking in the kitchen.

Lisa was a great cook, and remembers the favourite food of her children and grandchildren. Despite the scoldings, she will continue to prepare their favourite food on special occassions to satisfy everyone's tastebuds.

Under the same roof with the daughter-in-law, life was hell for Lisa. But at least she could take into consolation that all her kids (including her youngest son) were fillial to her. And she was happy that the daughter-in-law gave birth to a sweet little grand-daughter for her.

When life was giving her lemons, she had to make lemonades with it.

A few months ago...
Lisa's youngest son combined money with another of Lisa's daughter to buy them a flat nearby, so that Lisa and her hubby could finally have a place of their own, to get away from the daughter-in-law from hell.

The flat purchase was approved, and although it's a very small flat, but she was looking forward to it. It appears that life was going to take the sour lemons away and start giving her something she deserves.

A few weeks ago...
Lisa went on a Genting trip with some of her children (who are all grown up by now). But she experienced some sudden pains when she was there. She returned to Singapore, and was stayed in hospital, where the doctors did various tests to see what was wrong.

A few days ago...
She was diagnosed with an advanced stage of ovarian cancer, and her family members were told she couldn't survive for more than 3 months.

No one dared to tell her the truth. Lisa was told she will be discharged from the hospital soon. She was still looking forward to moving to the new place.

Though Lisa was frail all along, she didn't looked like someone who was dying soon.

Yesterday...
Lisa's condition took a turn in the morning. She was supposed to have a few months more of life expectancy. But that wasn't the case. Her eyes were closed. And she was put on an oxygen mask, unable to communicate. Most of her relatives were there. And the daughter-in-law from hell was conspicuously not present.

It was a heart-wrenching scene. Doctors told the relatives that though Lisa couldn't reply, she could hear every word that they are saying. So they held her by the hand and talked to her (while crying). They asked her not to fall asleep, and that her dream home was waiting for her once she gets discharged.

At about 6.30pm, she stopped breathing. Her last wish of moving to a place she can call her home, was not to be granted. So close, yet so far away.

One of the relatives suggested that Lisa gave up to the Reaper much earlier than her 3 months life expectancy, to spare everyone the pain and trouble of coming to visit and look after her. Even at Death's gates, Lisa was still as thoughtful as before.

The daughter-in-law from hell came at about 7pm after she was informed of the passing. No one talked to her, and she talked to no one.

For someone who was given so much lemons in her life, Lisa bravely made lemonade out of them. Though she couldn't get to fulfill her last wish to move to the new house, her tablet will reside there.

And Lisa's husband will move into the new home soon.
Alone, and without his beloved Lisa.

Love: Teenage dreams vs. adult expectations

I was reading about the latest entry by MKL of the same title.

I was going to comment on his site, when I thought, I will probably be writing so much that I might as well start a post on it.

Yes MKL, sue me for copyright infringement. =p

(1) I won't be in love with someone and not tell them

I had my first crush in secondary school and didn't had the guts to tell this female classmate that I had a crush on her. I followed her to the same junior college. After knowing her for 6 years and we graduated from junior college, I still didn't had the guts to ask her out. And there goes my first crush, I kind of wasted 6 years. Thinking back, it was quite obvious, the way I will go out of my way to look for her in school. I was often get teased by my friends, as well as her friends. She probably sensed it, but didn't question my intentions either because
(A) she's shy, or
(B) she doesn't know how to reject me.
Till now, I still don't know which.

And then there was my next crush in university. Being the smart guy that I am academically, I was often flooded by gals asking me for help in schoolwork. But none of them attracted me as much as this quiet girl (I have this something for housewife-material gals). Every Sunday noon, I would write a list of stuffs that I want to talk to her about over the phone. But she will only reply very short answers, like a curt "Yes" or "No". And soon, I will run out of stuffs to talk to her about. it was pretty awkward, holding the phone and there was silence from both sides. So I would wished her happy weekends before I dropped my phone. After we graduated from university, I did confess my feelings (that's the first time in my life), but over email. Emailing my confession make it easier lest I get rejected. As with the law of attraction, my fear of being rejected attracted a reply from her, saying that she knew I was attracted to her all along, but she didn't know how to reject me. Ouch! There goes 4 years.

And so, I learnt that guys should not be wasting time making their intentions known. So when I met Wifey, it took me 3 weeks to ask for her to be my girlfriend. And I held her hand from that day onwards.

(2) I'm more confident about myself and the way I look

I was never that confident of my looks. I was skinny, non-athletic, and probably very nerdy with no striking features (does double eyelid count?). For a while, I felt as if the whole world was getting attached except myself.

As I grew up, I realised that gals in Singapore were actually less superficial about guy's looks than I thought.

Two important things I learnt.
(A) If a girl has a nice personality or looks, it doesn't neccessarily mean she's attached.
(B) If a guy is average (or below average) looking, it doesn't mean he's destined to spend the rest of his life being single.

Having average looks can be out staged by having a magnetic personality. Confidence is key, as it gives the gal some form of security.

Average looking guy with confidence > Great looking guy with no confidence (ie. handsome wimp)

(3) Being romantic goes a long way in the love investment

Having a thick skin helps, because that's how you stand out among your competitors with your bag of self-depreciating tricks.

Heard of the guy who wraps flowers in a black garbage bag because he was too shy to be caught holding flowers to give his girlfriend? Gone case.

There's probably more, but I gotta start working (brought my laptop home to work). So I'll just end here. Drop by MLK's entry to read his perspective of the same topic.

Cheers!

Can't get enough of the Japan photos?

Tokyo Tower. It's MUCH shorter than the Eiffel Tower, so we didn't go up.


East Garden of the Imperial Palace. We aren't allowed into the Imperial Palace of course, it's the current residence of the Japan royalties, who are much loved by the Japanese.


The lovely town of Hakone. Lovely hot springs, and the best place to see Mount Fuji without stepping foot there.


Wifey with the breakfast served by a traditional ryokan (Japanese inn). The soup to the left is pumpkin soup. And the fish is tasty!


Mini hot spring in the ryokan we stayed in. Guys in one room, gals in another room. So what happens when Wifey and I are the only guest in the ryokan? That means we are king!


What happens when a storm is expected? Tie the dustbins to the wall!


Japanese school gals in Disneyland.


DisneySea. Japan is the only country with DisneySea. Consider a more adult version of Disneyland. No no, I don't mean "adult stuffs", I mean the rides are more heart-stopping.


Pocohontas feeding peanuts to her racoon in DisneySea.


One of the famous crossroads in Shibuya where gazillion of people cross the road in all directions while the cars wait for the green light. The more famous one is in Shinjuku, but I didn't get to snap it.


I didn't get to snap much of Japanese gals in Cosplay. But I got one for an angmoh lady, sportingly wearing Belle (the Beauty in "The Beauty and the Beast")'s costume. Bet she got it from Disneyland the day before. Ravishing, isn't it? Hey, is the guy behind... MKL?


Hope you enjoy the photos, and hope all thes pictures aren't slowing Cup of Ice's loading rate.

More random photos from Japan

A temple in Nikko, on the offskirts of Tokyo. And it's listed in the World Heritage sites. Temples situated within a forest with tall trees. Cool!


People waiting to cross the road in the town of Nikko. Most Japanese know not to cross the road when the red man is on sight.


More ramen! And gyozas (pork wrapped dumplings) on the right.


Ice cream vending machine.


Yoshinoya is considered cheap food by the standards of Japan. They say the beef bowl in Japan is a MUST TRY! Well, Wifey thinks it's only so-so.


Policeman in the famous Tsujiki fish market directing traffic.


Does these look like ice cream bars? Nope, these are succulent eggs. S$1.50 (or US$1.10) a stick.


Vampires and mystic creatures roam the streets of Ginza (that's the equivalent of Orchard Road in Singapore, or Bukit Bintang in KL).


How much does the durian (aka king of fruits) cost in Japan? 4500 yen. That's S$90 (or US$65). Come to Malaysia to eat it, it's way cheaper!


Woman dressed in traditional kimono, on the way to the Meiji Shrine.


This is so cute! A happy Japanese family.


You know the mountain. It is said that only lucky tourists in the town of Hakone get to see the mountain, as it is often hidden by clouds.


More pics to come? Sure!