Great Dilbert one-liners

Here are some great Dilbert one-liners that many of you should be able to either find humour in, or relate to.

I did not compile them, I just steal them from somewhere over the Internet, and filter out the more interesting quotes.

Have a great Monday morning! ^_^

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- I say no to alcohol they just don't listen
- A friend in need is a pest indeed.
- Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
- Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
- When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
- Born free taxed to death.
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
- It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
- I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
- A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the binking red light.
- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. (Haha, I like this one!)
- The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
- If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe
you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure. (This is so so true!)
- I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
- If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
- Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
- If you can't convince them, confuse them. (Dilbert invented this quote?)
- It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. (This happens alot in my work.)
- Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
- Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. (And never underestimate the power of 1 stupid big boss)
- The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
- Someday is not a day of the week.

About the Author: Shingo T has a Dilbert-worthy quote of his own too - I love my job, but I'm just allergic to my laptop. =(