Saturday, October 31

Love: Teenage dreams vs. adult expectations

I was reading about the latest entry by MKL of the same title.

I was going to comment on his site, when I thought, I will probably be writing so much that I might as well start a post on it.

Yes MKL, sue me for copyright infringement. =p

(1) I won't be in love with someone and not tell them

I had my first crush in secondary school and didn't had the guts to tell this female classmate that I had a crush on her. I followed her to the same junior college. After knowing her for 6 years and we graduated from junior college, I still didn't had the guts to ask her out. And there goes my first crush, I kind of wasted 6 years. Thinking back, it was quite obvious, the way I will go out of my way to look for her in school. I was often get teased by my friends, as well as her friends. She probably sensed it, but didn't question my intentions either because
(A) she's shy, or
(B) she doesn't know how to reject me.
Till now, I still don't know which.

And then there was my next crush in university. Being the smart guy that I am academically, I was often flooded by gals asking me for help in schoolwork. But none of them attracted me as much as this quiet girl (I have this something for housewife-material gals). Every Sunday noon, I would write a list of stuffs that I want to talk to her about over the phone. But she will only reply very short answers, like a curt "Yes" or "No". And soon, I will run out of stuffs to talk to her about. it was pretty awkward, holding the phone and there was silence from both sides. So I would wished her happy weekends before I dropped my phone. After we graduated from university, I did confess my feelings (that's the first time in my life), but over email. Emailing my confession make it easier lest I get rejected. As with the law of attraction, my fear of being rejected attracted a reply from her, saying that she knew I was attracted to her all along, but she didn't know how to reject me. Ouch! There goes 4 years.

And so, I learnt that guys should not be wasting time making their intentions known. So when I met Wifey, it took me 3 weeks to ask for her to be my girlfriend. And I held her hand from that day onwards.

(2) I'm more confident about myself and the way I look

I was never that confident of my looks. I was skinny, non-athletic, and probably very nerdy with no striking features (does double eyelid count?). For a while, I felt as if the whole world was getting attached except myself.

As I grew up, I realised that gals in Singapore were actually less superficial about guy's looks than I thought.

Two important things I learnt.
(A) If a girl has a nice personality or looks, it doesn't neccessarily mean she's attached.
(B) If a guy is average (or below average) looking, it doesn't mean he's destined to spend the rest of his life being single.

Having average looks can be out staged by having a magnetic personality. Confidence is key, as it gives the gal some form of security.

Average looking guy with confidence > Great looking guy with no confidence (ie. handsome wimp)

(3) Being romantic goes a long way in the love investment

Having a thick skin helps, because that's how you stand out among your competitors with your bag of self-depreciating tricks.

Heard of the guy who wraps flowers in a black garbage bag because he was too shy to be caught holding flowers to give his girlfriend? Gone case.

There's probably more, but I gotta start working (brought my laptop home to work). So I'll just end here. Drop by MLK's entry to read his perspective of the same topic.



MKL said...

Hey Shingo, great post! :)

I feel honored and as I said many times, if someone mentions me and links back to me, that's perfectly fine and it's what makes blogging even more fun :) I will link to your article, too.

I see, we're really a bit alike, I even feel that we're about same age (I'm 29). Are we somewhere close? The only thing where we differ, is you have a lovely wifey and I don't :( But I'm working on that (as we speak), haha. More to come on MKL in the following months ;)

Anonymous said...

Very cool post Shingo :) I have to admit, I have been in the very same boat myself, though the girls I was into had no trouble in giving me the rejection >.<

That's ok, I have a wonderful wife now and I don't have any hard feelings for these lovely ladies of whom I had been smitten. Chalk it up to life's experience.

P.s. That picture is HILARIOUS! rofl!!

P.s.s Who is this MLK of whom you speak? Sounds like another cool blog I'm gonna have to check out :)

wenn said...

ya..a guy needs to have all the confidence if he wants to tackle a gal..

Erny said...

But guys making their intention known a bit too early, won't it scare the girls off???
Maybe at least, 6months? Is that a tad too long?

the girl in stiletto said...

now im even more confused than i already was.

i still am afraid of being rejected.

but my friends keep on telling me, life is too short to waste it. i used to live by that rule. i dont know what happen to me and how i lost that part of me :'(

Shingo T said...

Yup, our age is pretty close.

Keep working hard on your target. I'm sure you can do it, you have a very warm and nice personality. I based that on the way you write stuffs. ^_^

The Nino:
You are living the time of your life, bro. Wonderful wife and kids.

MKL's blog can be found here.
He writes interesting stuffs which the typical guy can relate to, which makes it a good read.

Confidence helps alot not just in attracting the right people, but also at work. It's something I always display, even when I'm uncertain at something.

6 months is a little long in my view. If I profess my intention after a few weeks, and I get a rejection, hey we can still be friends, right? I can still get her out, at least knowing that she can only be no more than a friend.

Girl in stiletto:
Gosh, where's the confidence? Look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself how awesome you are. It's true.

The more rejections we get, the closer we are to getting attached. Learn the lesson at every defeat, and emerge stronger.

Alot of guys like gals in stiletto. Go go go!!!

HappySurfer said...

Third time lucky and happy ever after.. Congrats!

Willie a.k.a Reptoz said...

I like this post. Very interesting especially about telling a girl that u like her. Haha

~dolly~ said...

a very interesting post..
1) awwwww... u're quite romantic also loh..
2) yup.. without confident = not complete.. XD.. hahaha..
3) so true.. but not all men willing to be THICK SKIN loh.. haih.. T-T

Sharon said...

i like this post.
but i cannot believe you wasted... what, 10 years crushing on girls?
but anyway, glad the lesson is learned and u're happily married now :D
and i really dig guy with confidence!

both you and MKL's post inspire me to write mine too haha only my love stories are always so screwed up -_- sigh...

Ai Shiang said...

Well, rejections are painful when you first encounter it. After a couple of time you'll probably be thinking "give me a yes or a no, and I'll get on with my life" isn't it?

I don't mean I was after men. But they were rather some jobs I was pursuing a while back. I guess the feeling is almost the same.

Ai Shiang said...

I have to agree most handsome men are useless! I might be generalizing but I will keep doing that until I'm proven wrong hahaha!

HappySurfer said...

Ai Shiang, interesting observation. Frankly, I'd rather they being useless than conceited and standoffish. Eh?

Ai Shiang said...

Happysurfer, you've a good point there! :o)

Roxy. said...

Ah, reminded me of the time when i was in secondary school. I also had a crush on a boy but i confessed, ok, more like my friend wrote a note for me and gave it to him. Those were the days.
Point 2 is so true. Just like your picture. LOL. But the guy might be rich.
Shall check out MKL blog on it too.

Shingo T said...

Thanks. Always believed that the more failures we get, the closer we are to success. So never stop trying!

haha, I must admit it's pretty embarrassing to write stuffs like that.

Many guys have thin skin, but I guess it's more of a Asian culture thingy. Westerners are more likely to make a joke of themselves just to make someone smile.

haha, looking forward to your stories. Will pop by to read about the it. ^_^

We walk, we fall, but we will pick ourselves up again.

Ai Shiang:
I like this "give me a yes or a no, and I'll get on with my life" isn't it?" attitude. I wished I learnt that earlier.

I like to believe God has a way of playing fair. Those who are not born handsome will be given other positive attributes instead.

You kids these days are getting attached earlier in life. Or did I start too late?

Gosh, it must be a little embarrassing for love notes to be passed around in school. Don't you love the modern email sometimes? ^_^

The Happy Bitch said...

Shingo, give me a man with balls anytime. Sg guys are so nua and I guess you were like that when you were younger.

"Go with the flow" but time and tide wait for no man. Glad you found wifey and have the balls to ask her out after 3 weeks.

Mr HB asked me to go on a holiday together on our third meeting, not date. *hee*

kenwooi said...

i havent got much experience in this as i've just passed my teenage years.. haha..

but love is quite some ting.. i've been thru quite a few relationships.. they ended in different ways..

and i agree with the 2 important things you have learned.. so true! =D

Old Beng said...

>> If a guy is average (or below average) looking, it doesn't mean he's destined to spend the rest of his life being single.

Of course not la, just look at me :)

Stefanie said...

Oh wow! I think you know me from MKL's blog. Sue you is a must. Hahaha.
"If a girl has a nice personality or looks, it doesn't neccessarily mean she's attached."---THIS IS SO RIGHT!!!

Shingo T said...

Holiday after 3rd date?? Gosh, that's fast!

You still young. Can still get alot of experience down the road.

Old Beng:
Haha, it took me long to find that out.

Haha, so you must be single!

Stefanie said...

yeah. *CLAPS*

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