Friday, April 24

5 stages of grief

I watched The Bucket List on HBO recently (know how much Nat like this show). The story about 2 old guys (played by Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman), who have about 6 months of life to live. So they came up with a list of extraordinary things to do before they... well kick the bucket. And hence the name of the movie.



In the show, they talked about the 5 stages of grief, which is a well-documented theory from an American psychiatrist (Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross).

When we experience the loss of someone, it hurts us alot, especially when we are caught by surprise. I attended the funeral of a friend recently. Poor chap is only 28years old, and he died after falling 8 metres in a ship. He leaves behind a young wife, and ageing parents. His father cried while we talked to him, and I had to place a hand at his shoulders - touch has a calming effect on people.

If you ever see someone grieving, do not ask him to stop. That's because griefing is a natural healing process. But that being said, monitor this person closely and give help if possible, especially if he gets stuck in any of the first 4 stages of grief.

So what are these 5 stages of grief?

1) Denial
As with the sudden lost of someone, it is sometimes hard for a person to believe that the deceased is gone all of a sudden. This stage may take long, especially if the deceased means the world to him. Often, this stage is coupled with the person not wanting to mix much with his contacts - he doesn't want to talk about it.

2) Anger
Assigning blame is a way to "justify" the unfortunate incident. He could be blaming himself, or blaming people who may not be directly involved in the incident.

3) Bargaining
The person start wondering about "What ifs". He have imaginary conversations with the Reaper, or whatever God he believes in, to strike a deal to bring him back. Not everyone goes through this stage, but heck it happens.

4) Depression
The person starts finding his life meaningless. He is sad and does not think about the future. He just wanna live in his sad sad world. If this persist, bring him to a doctor. There's drugs to alleviate depression, think of it like a sickness.

5) Acceptance
Finally, when all the first 4 stages are gone, he knows he has to plan for what's next. The mourning starts to diminish, and he moves on with life.

Only he can help himself walk out of the stages of grief. As friends, monitor him closely so he does not harbour silly thoughts. And take a little of your time to talk to him, it means the world to him.

12 comments:

wrthofnino said...

Nice post! The Kubler-Ross model of grief has always been of interest to me... in fact, I am posting a comic I found that shows these 5 stages of grief as they pertain to a WoW player over at Wrath of Nino on May 4th.

I'll be sure to link over to this entry for an explantion of the Kubler-Ross model ;)

Here is the link to the article... you won't be able to click on it until May 4th (sorry!) but I will post it here for all future generations XD

Wrath Of Nino - "One Sweet Day"P.S. Did you like the movie "The Bucket List"? I have heard it is good but haven't seen it yet.

http://wrathofnino.wordpress.com

numbernine said...

Reminds me of a great Simpsons episode. He eats some tainted fugu fish and is about to die. Here's what happens next:

Hibbert: There are five stages. First is denial.
Homer: No way, because I'm not dying.
Hibbert: Next comes anger.
Homer: Why you little...
Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: (terrified) What's after fear? What's after fear?
Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you've got to get me out of this. I'll make it worth your while.
Hibbert: And finally, comes acceptance.
Homer: Well, we've all got to go sometime.
Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress is remarkable!

Shingo T said...

Nino:
hey buddy, will be looking fwd to your comic. ^_^
Yup, I quite liked "The Bucket List". Thought it was quite a meaningful show.

numbernine:
Haha, this is really funny. You actually remembered the lines?

Cherish Tulips said...

pls check that you got my personal invitation to my blog and drop a comment ya!

Nat said...

I prefer this version.

Takes all of 5 minutes not really an hour and 20 minutes to go through the stages :)

Or if you prefer a classical version, go through the stages with the Seventh Seal.

numbernine said...

Of course I cut and paste from somewhere one...

khengsiong said...

Interesting theory. People with high EQ can accept reality faster than the rest.

Shingo T said...

Cherish Tulip:
Yes, I got the invite. Thanks!

Nat:
Saw part of it, thanks. The Reaper looks creepy.

numbernine:
Darn, I overestimated you.

khengsiong:
Schools should start developing EQ for kids. IQ is overrated.

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