5 stages of grief

I watched The Bucket List on HBO recently (know how much Nat like this show). The story about 2 old guys (played by Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman), who have about 6 months of life to live. So they came up with a list of extraordinary things to do before they... well kick the bucket. And hence the name of the movie.



In the show, they talked about the 5 stages of grief, which is a well-documented theory from an American psychiatrist (Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross).

When we experience the loss of someone, it hurts us alot, especially when we are caught by surprise. I attended the funeral of a friend recently. Poor chap is only 28years old, and he died after falling 8 metres in a ship. He leaves behind a young wife, and ageing parents. His father cried while we talked to him, and I had to place a hand at his shoulders - touch has a calming effect on people.

If you ever see someone grieving, do not ask him to stop. That's because griefing is a natural healing process. But that being said, monitor this person closely and give help if possible, especially if he gets stuck in any of the first 4 stages of grief.

So what are these 5 stages of grief?

1) Denial
As with the sudden lost of someone, it is sometimes hard for a person to believe that the deceased is gone all of a sudden. This stage may take long, especially if the deceased means the world to him. Often, this stage is coupled with the person not wanting to mix much with his contacts - he doesn't want to talk about it.

2) Anger
Assigning blame is a way to "justify" the unfortunate incident. He could be blaming himself, or blaming people who may not be directly involved in the incident.

3) Bargaining
The person start wondering about "What ifs". He have imaginary conversations with the Reaper, or whatever God he believes in, to strike a deal to bring him back. Not everyone goes through this stage, but heck it happens.

4) Depression
The person starts finding his life meaningless. He is sad and does not think about the future. He just wanna live in his sad sad world. If this persist, bring him to a doctor. There's drugs to alleviate depression, think of it like a sickness.

5) Acceptance
Finally, when all the first 4 stages are gone, he knows he has to plan for what's next. The mourning starts to diminish, and he moves on with life.

Only he can help himself walk out of the stages of grief. As friends, monitor him closely so he does not harbour silly thoughts. And take a little of your time to talk to him, it means the world to him.