A contrarian approach

My parents were avid newspaper and local news readers. I grew up hearing alot about their analysis on politics and general knowledge. Even when I visit my relatives, the uncles will somehow discuss about politics and policies. One of my uncle is a big fan of Adolf Hitler (I don't know why), while another uncle is against Singapore's popular forefather, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Particularly, everyone in my family are pro-China, denouncing Taiwan's independence and the Dalai Lama.

Growing up under this influence, I subconsciously learnt that there was no clear division between good and bad people.

Bad people are "bad" for a good reason. In one of the Hongkong movies I watched when I was in primary school, the vicious guy who robbed the bank was shown in the next scene nicely talking to his blind grandmother, and giving her some money (from the bank loot). His actions to kill innocent people at the bank should have him condemned to the last level of Hell, but it doesn't mean I can't feel a little sorry for him just because "at least he was nice to his Grandma".

Similarly, we see that nice people have their dark side. Batman, Spiderman and also Iron Man. All had their mortal weaknesses and mistakes.

Some of you may read about the 6 months I spent at the age of 18, reading all sorts of "Be Happy" books in the library just to correct my mindset and make myself a happier person. One of the lessons I learnt was never to judge people by what they do. It doesn't make me an unbiased person, because let's face it - everyone, no matter how holy or kind, has some form of biasedness or preference when it comes to people.

For any person you are having a problem with, be it your demanding boss, your possessive girlfriend, your whimpy colleagues, or your naggy mother, ask yourself this GOLDEN question.

Recall an incident when there's something good about this person.

The boss may be demanding, but from your conversations with him, you at least knew that outside of work, he's a caring and endearing father to his daughter.

The possessive girlfriend have some trust issues with you, as if you are going to stray anytime with any girl on the street. But you remembered a time when work life was hell, but she was there on the phone for you every night, to hear your never-ending complaints.

The whimpy colleague complains about the smallest issue going on in the office, even though everyone in the office knew the problem lies with herself. But when this whimpy colleague gets you a cup of coffee seeing that you are working late, for a while she seems like an angel.

The naggy mother keep repeating the same issue that has gotten you frustrated everytime, that you wonder if she's just trying to piss you off. But then she goes out of the way to make you herbal soup whenever you are sick. And then you realised, that she loves you so much.

Once you have helped someone you dislike to come up with a past incident in your mind on why he is really not that evil, you will start to realise that the hatred/displeasure will start to ease. And that's when you start to cool down, and even help to think about "good reasons" on why the person did that "bad thing".

And you start making rational decisions on your next action, rather than boycotting the person, or slandering him in front of your friends.

Practise make perfect. For all you know, soon your enemy will become your friend with your newfound judgement of him.

And that's the reason why I am always popular, with both people are who popular or unpopular.

Yes, the world will become a better place, and you get things done easier with this newfound contrarian mindset.

People are not binary - 0 for bad and 1 for good.
Everyone is 0.5, if only you look harder.

A mother's love

What's some of the bigger things that your mum went out of the way to do, to show her concern for you?

My mum recently learnt how to SMS, and she's learning some basic English words. And I think she did them just to communicate to my sister and I when we are busy.

SMS and picking up English are simple and taken for granted by many of us, but it's rocket science for a woman in her 60s who has always discarded technology, and never spoke English for 60 years.

That's the power of a mother's love. And it moved me.

Busy at work

My ex-colleague, Mr Ghost sent me pictures of the good old days at our former company.

And here's one of the photos of me, errr... "busy" at work, taken many many years ago.



The guy holding the newspapers is Numbernine, if I didn't get it wrong. It was a planned shot, they got him to show the scantily clad ladies to me while another colleague snapped this photo.

My ex-colleagues are evil, but I love them to the core. Where else can I find such colleagues?

Ok, have a great week at work, everyone!

About the Author: Shingo T believes that the day we dread going to office is the day we should change our job.

Dinner and Dance 2009

So I went into the Dinner & Dance with my paperbag mask and my bag filled with tissue paper cash. It was pretty fun, colleagues were trying to identify who I was. But I guess the eye holes were a little big, so most didn't took long to figure who I was.

I later took the mask down so that I could eat and drink - the mask has no holes for the mouth.

The food was ok, but the emcee was doing a great job to engage everyone of us. We were all hyped up.

After a series of games, the last event had the emcee reading a few names out to the stage for a chance at the best "performance" award. My name was called.

I wasn't exactly too surprised, because I always knew I have been an excellent and efficient worker. But hey, I later realised that "performance" doesn't mean work performance, but rather dance performance.

I probably was chosen because of my dance at the previous D&D.

So we were blindfolded on stage, and had to dance to various music. One by one, each of us will be taken down from stage, with the last man receiving the best "performance" award.

Having being blindfolded, I wasn't exactly aware how the others were doing. I was only concerned about dancing while not falling off the stage, and that kind of constrained me.

And when the music FINALLY stopped, I took off my blindfold and realise that I'm the last man standing.

And so, I won. I later found out that I have been dancing solo blindfolded for quite a long time without realising it.

To be frank, I won NOT because I'm a great dancer. Rather, I won because I had thick-skin, I was never hesitant about embarrassing myself to entertain a live crowd.

And the prize? A "award" certificate and a present, which contains a photo frame.
And I was expecting $5000 cash. $_$

Nonetheless, my dance video was captured down by handphones of my fans, and for all you know, the clip might be residing somewhere in Youtube for netizens all over the world to laugh at.

Have a great weekend ahead. I'll probably wear the paperbag mask to hide my face till the tide goes down.

Who I really am

If you can't see the words on the paperbag, it states this.
Rob the Rich & Feed the Poor.

And I'm poor. $_$

If you don't hear from me in the next 5 years, you know where to find me. =(

Who I am

Who am I?

Random Notes 40

(1) One of the best thing about blogging is getting to read comments. It's something that I always look forward to. Kudos to all you amazing readers out there.

(2) Special credits to the many suggestions that you guys/gals gave me for the possible costumes I can go for my D&D. Price is main consideration for me, I wouldn't want to spend a bomb on an event that last for a night.

So the cheapest option will thus be a male stripper as suggested by girl in stiletto. But as my company is filled with babes gals, I wouldn't want to make them to swarm to me like bees to honey, right? =p

Foongpc has a list of unconventional suggestions for occupational costume parties. It will be a pity if I don't share it here.
Dress as a chef? a doctor? a policeman? a soldier? an underwear model? a politician? an astronaut? a magician? a clown? a gravedigger? a pastor? a porn star? a ghostbuster? a zoologist? a butcher? a crime scene investigator? a rapper?

Gravedigger, wahahahahaha!
Hmm....

(3) Do you guys listen to music at work? I do. Somehow these dance and techno music always keep my focus on the work, and improve my work productivity.

(4) The first presentation I ever made in worklife occurred many many years ago. It was a big screwup. Being the fresh graduate that I was, I went for the presentation thinking that since my section and departmental manager were ok with the materials in my slide, everything will be a breeze. I was pretty much embarrassed at the presentation by the skeptical audience. A very humbling experience, but I never took it negatively. Instead, I worked on the shortcomings, and learnt how to anticipate "make or break" questions. And now in my resume, I proudly list "Comfortable in presenting my findings to management and clients, and DEFENDING them" as one of my key attributes.

(5) It is said that ladies enjoy the moment of receiving flowers, rather than having the flowers itself. If that is so, does that mean that after the gal have received our flowers, we can get it back and give it to another girl? Ok, I'm kidding on this.

(6) I believe alot in being honest. Even if you risk making someone unhappy, at least the person gets feedback. I don't need everyone to like me, but I need everyone to trust me.

(7) Is it true that the best guys in the world are either married or gay? After all, I'm married. Luckily for you single gals out there, there's ALOT of available guys like khengsiong and foongpc out there. Take those stamps of your eyes, babes. Now can you feel the LOVE tonight?

(8) There was a little girl who went to a shop with her grandfather to purchase calenders. So the old man asked her to pick a calender for the upcoming year. So the little girl flipped through the various calenders. But she kept doing so for some time, unable to pick a calender of her choice.

So her grandpa asked her, "Dear, do you not like any of the designs in these calenders"

And the little girl replied, "The designs are ok. But I can't find a calender with many Sundays."

(9) Wifey's getting a little sianz (demoralised) having to work after coming back from our Genting holidays. Hang on there, Sweetie! I love you. ^_^

Random Notes 39

(1) I will be going on a short trip down to Genting and KL over the next 3 days. I love going casinos, but only for playing jackpots. And I play very small, only 10 Malaysia cents at the push of every button.
The reason why I play so little? I love to win, but I REALLY hate to lose. Moreover, I'm not a gambler, I'm just a player.

(2) Daughter-in-law from hell (DILFH) brought her whole family and clan to intimate look for her hubby. She is asking for a S$600,000 (US$420,000) condo and a monthly S$5,000 allowance as divorce settlement fees. And it's not yet clear if she will "sell" him their daughter to sweeten the deal. The DILFH is ready to bite!! Stay clear!

(3) Work has been really busy for me. My backup is leaving the department, so the work I gave her was passed back to me. And I gotta do some backup for my other colleague who's pregnant. I'm not complaining about the massive workload, because it's only temporary. Rather, my only concern is that spending too much time working for others will bring me further from my entrepenuership dreams.

(4) It's good to have dreams, but never confuse that with daydreaming.

(5) I have went back to hiphop lessons. It's still what makes me happy. ^_^

(6)Company's annual D&D is coming next week. And this year's theme requires us to be dressed in occupational clothings. Will I see my pretty colleagues in those yummy nurse's costumes? And what should I wear? I'm thinking about being a plumber. What do you think you will dress as in such a party? Give me some ideas.

(7) I have changed the template of the blog. Blue's my favourite colour. And I don't wanna copy HappySurfer's template. Haha. =p

(8) If you can see the moon from where you are standing, how far can the moon be? Never too far. So reach for the moon!

When life gives you lemons (Part 4)

This will be the last instalment to the "When life give you lemons" series.

Divorce proceedings and child custody proceedings will be starting soon for Lisa's youngest son and the DILFH, but let's put this unhapy incident aside to the more important things.

Lisa's ashes have been placed in an urn, which now resides in a lovely place in Choa Chu Kang. Her tablet is placed in the house of her hubby.

Every end signifies a new beginning.

For those who believe in reincarnation, Lisa may be waiting her turn as I'm writing here. But we all know that she have done so much good in life with her own children and friends, that she will be granted a happier beginning.

For Lisa's relatives who have finished the grieving, their immediate concern is Lisa's husband, who is in his early 80s, and still physically healthy. Since Lisa was hospitalised, he had cried on a few occasions, but has been largely calm. Though it might be possible that he has already accepted the inevitably of Lisa's death, but no one is taking it for granted. After all, Lisa has been his companion for the past 50+ years, and now she's gone. Now he sleeps alone in his own bed.

There were alot of discussions among Lisa's children, who felt they need to spend even more time now with their dad so that he won't be too lonely, and not sink into depression. Among the discussions were the possibility of getting one of Lisa's grownup grandchildren to stay with him, and also having biweekly gatherings at his house.

The power of death is in life itself.

Lisa's death has brought everyone closer. One of her kid who has "servered his ties" with them for more than 5 years, for not helping him with his gambling debts in the past, has silently rejoined them and are on talking terms again.

Relatives who meet once or twice a year in Chinese New Year and weddings, are now planning for frequent meetups with Lisa's hubby to keep him company. Lisa's siblings are more united than before.

And Lisa, wherever she is, will be delighted to know this.

And lastly, I should give special mention to this mother and son pair, who appears out of nowhere in HDB funerals of people they do not know. They came with no other motives than to sit silently at one corner of the wake to help the grieving family fold joss paper for free for hours daily. Granted that families usually give them an ang pao (red packet) at the end of the wake, but it's not a must, and besides, there's no guarantee how much would be in the ang pao. So essentially, they are just trying to possibly earn some additional living through goodwill, with no promised returns.

On one instance, one of Lisa's children gave them $10 for lunch, and this kind-hearted mother and son (both adults), only spent $3 altogether and even bothered to return the remaining $7 to the family. Wow.

Singapore's kiasu (scared to lose) and kiasi (scared to die) mentality can be a little disturbiing sometimes. But it's the presence of this charitable duo that reminds us, that there's kindness around us, as subtle as it can be.

And Lisa's death, definitely remind us of how precious, and yet fragile, that life is.

Take good care of yourself, and your loved ones. Don't start giving them the attention, only after they are gone.

Have a good day ahead, and thank you for reading.

When life gives you lemons (Part 3)

You are a rich man. Your girlfriend has this habit of bringing you to the jewellery shop, and trying out the jewellery. She puts on a 1 carat diamond ring and likes it alot. She jokingly (but insistently) refuses to take it out. And so you buy it for her. Be careful if you marry such a woman, because it won't be pretty...



4 days after Lisa's death...
Lisa's wake was held under the flat which she was supposed to move into, but have never had done so. On that day, the metal key that is supposed to go into the lock of Lisa's new home was broken in two. Yes you heard it right, the metal key broke. The daughter-in-law from hell (DILFH) was the last person to hold the key before it was returned broken. She claimed the key was already bent when she got it. And one part of the broken parts was stuck inside the keyhole. Lisa's kids have to pay the locksmith S$45 just to get the lock open.

5 days after Lisa's death...
That was the final day of the funeral, and she was to be cremated. But not after a final ceremony where the mourners in white had to do a final procedure. The youngest son was crying badly by the coffin. Out of the blue, he suddenly rushed out to shout at his wife, the DILFH. He threw stuffs (chairs?) at her, and tried to grab her by the hair. The commotion was so loud that you probably thought that thunder had hit the funeral.

In a Buddhist funeral, relatives of the dead are not allowed to wear flashy items to the funeral. But DILFH wore a gold watch, but after being told not to wear it on the first day of the funeral, she took it down but proceeded to wear it on other days, a clear disrespect to the deceased. It didn't help that she didn't even offer a single joss stick to Lisa. She tied her hair with red band, when red is a color that should never be worn to a Buddhist funeral.

One may argue that she's ignorant, but in the eyes of everyone there, too much ignorance make it seem too inexcusable for a coincidence.

Anyway, the youngest son had enough of her nonsense. He was going to get physcially violent. The male relatives rushed over to restraint him before he make any unlawful assaults. The female relatives scolded DILFH too, taking the chance to vent their frustration to the unfillal girl. But they also asked her to leave and run, before her hubby loses control and brutally assult her.

And so she escaped in the white T-shirt that she wore for the funeral. Obviously, the DILFH will not be returning to their matrimonial home. And the youngest son has given instructions to the maid not to allow her into Lisa's home.

Some time back, he told the rest that he will seek a divorce from DILFH. And beating his wife will surely weaken his position to have custody of his beloved daughter. Which also explains why everyone was quick to hold him back when he lost his cool.

Their daughter (ie. Lisa's grand-daughter) was there at the funeral, and probably witnessed the event. But it was clear whose side the poor girl was on. She passed a cup to her father to drink, and the father returned her the drink after he had his fill. Hand in hand, the father and child walked, accompanied by the child's loving uncles and aunties.

Later that day, the relatives pushed the funeral van, with Lisa's intact body in it, as it moves towards the crematorium. The moment Lisa's body was about to be cremated, there was another flash rain (no kidding). Like the previous weather coincidences, it appears as if Lisa is shedding tears again.

We all had diffeent interpretations of Lisa's tears, but I was sure they were tears of joy and relief.

And Lisa's coffin was sent into the burning fire.

Her body was gone.
But the memories of such a terrific wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend will live on in the hearts of those who know her.

Rest in peace, Lisa.
And may life hands you peaches the next time round.

When life gives you lemons (Part 2)

7 years before her death...
That was the day when I first got to know Lisa. And the place we met? The Subordinate Courts. Lisa was there with her hubby. She looked old and frail, but she always ready to be there for those who need them.

2 years before her death...
She came in the morning for my wedding. Wifey and I served her tea.

2 days before her death...
We visited Lisa in the hospital. And she was clueless about her condition. In her soft tone, Lisa sarcastically said if her daughter-in-law from hell (DILFH) visited her in hospital, she will recover immediately.

The day she died...
The DILFH did came, but only after she was informed of Lisa's passing.

1 day after her death...
It was a sunny day. But the moment Lisa's body was moved from the transport vehicle to the wake, it suddenly rained heavily out of nowhere. Any superstitious Chinese know that the rain symbolise Lisa's tears.

Lisa didn't die contented.

2 days after her death...
The weather was erratic. The clouds were gloomy, and it rained alot every now and then.

It is Buddhist custom for the descendants of the deceased and their spouses to be given plain white T-shirts to wear during the funeral. And no one should wear that T-shirt home, as they will be disposed after the whole wake ends. The DILFH caused quite a stir in the morning, by making DILFH's 4-years old daughter wear that T-shirt home.
After all, there's no better way to spite Lisa than to make sure that her favourite grand-daughter doesn't follow the custom. To make things worse, DILFH even asked her maid to wash the white T-shirt to make it "clean".

DILFH's hubby (aka Lisa's youngest son) was not totally unaware of his wife's unreasonable behaviour. Marriage is a one-direction path - you either get great returns, or you end up with great risks. Maybe he might have contemplated divorce, but that would equate to losing half of his wealth to the undeserving wife by law and endless monthly maintainance fees to her. In his case, the wife will probably be laughing all the way to the bank with that amount of money. Well done, Women's Charter.

Unlike adultery, being unfillial is not against the law. The only thing Lisa's youngest son could do was to ignore his wife during the wake.

The same day, he hugged his mother's coffin and broke down. Tears flowed endlessly from the face of this grown man.

He was a good son.
He just made one bad move.

When life gives you lemons (Part 1)

Many years ago...
there was a simple lady, Lisa. She was kind-hearted, and ever so thoughtful. Naturally, such wonderful ladies get hitched, and Lisa eventually married and settled down.

Lisa and her hubby was poor, and it didn't help that they have 6 kids. It also didn't help that her hubby turned out to be a part-time gambler. She had to work hard and long hours to earn money to support the kids and her hubby. Often, she will give the best food to the kids, while leaving the remainder for herself. Life was giving her lemons.

Lisa braved on and years grew by, and her kids grew up and started their own families. And her hubby stopped gambling. The lemons just tasted better.

A few years ago...
Lisa stayed with her hubby and their youngest son, who was unmarried. This youngest son was an eligible bachelor, being a successful entrepenuer with an attractive personality. He had lots of girlfriends during his younger days, but he was getting older, which really worried Lisa and her hubby.

So when this beloved son got married to a pretty gal, Lisa was overjoyed. But alas, the lady's new daughter-in-law turned out to be the daughter-in-law from hell. She would berate Lisa for alot of things, even trivial stuffs like cooking in the kitchen.

Lisa was a great cook, and remembers the favourite food of her children and grandchildren. Despite the scoldings, she will continue to prepare their favourite food on special occassions to satisfy everyone's tastebuds.

Under the same roof with the daughter-in-law, life was hell for Lisa. But at least she could take into consolation that all her kids (including her youngest son) were fillial to her. And she was happy that the daughter-in-law gave birth to a sweet little grand-daughter for her.

When life was giving her lemons, she had to make lemonades with it.

A few months ago...
Lisa's youngest son combined money with another of Lisa's daughter to buy them a flat nearby, so that Lisa and her hubby could finally have a place of their own, to get away from the daughter-in-law from hell.

The flat purchase was approved, and although it's a very small flat, but she was looking forward to it. It appears that life was going to take the sour lemons away and start giving her something she deserves.

A few weeks ago...
Lisa went on a Genting trip with some of her children (who are all grown up by now). But she experienced some sudden pains when she was there. She returned to Singapore, and was stayed in hospital, where the doctors did various tests to see what was wrong.

A few days ago...
She was diagnosed with an advanced stage of ovarian cancer, and her family members were told she couldn't survive for more than 3 months.

No one dared to tell her the truth. Lisa was told she will be discharged from the hospital soon. She was still looking forward to moving to the new place.

Though Lisa was frail all along, she didn't looked like someone who was dying soon.

Yesterday...
Lisa's condition took a turn in the morning. She was supposed to have a few months more of life expectancy. But that wasn't the case. Her eyes were closed. And she was put on an oxygen mask, unable to communicate. Most of her relatives were there. And the daughter-in-law from hell was conspicuously not present.

It was a heart-wrenching scene. Doctors told the relatives that though Lisa couldn't reply, she could hear every word that they are saying. So they held her by the hand and talked to her (while crying). They asked her not to fall asleep, and that her dream home was waiting for her once she gets discharged.

At about 6.30pm, she stopped breathing. Her last wish of moving to a place she can call her home, was not to be granted. So close, yet so far away.

One of the relatives suggested that Lisa gave up to the Reaper much earlier than her 3 months life expectancy, to spare everyone the pain and trouble of coming to visit and look after her. Even at Death's gates, Lisa was still as thoughtful as before.

The daughter-in-law from hell came at about 7pm after she was informed of the passing. No one talked to her, and she talked to no one.

For someone who was given so much lemons in her life, Lisa bravely made lemonade out of them. Though she couldn't get to fulfill her last wish to move to the new house, her tablet will reside there.

And Lisa's husband will move into the new home soon.
Alone, and without his beloved Lisa.